We've Got Way Too Much Ahead to Worry About What We Left Behind

I'll tell you a secret, this one for your own good. You may think the past has something to tell you. You may think that you should listen, should strain to make out it's whispers, should bend over backward, stoop down low to hear it's voice breathed from the ground, from the dead places. You may think there's something in it for you, something to understand or make sense of. 

But I know the truth: I know from the nights of coldness. I know the past will drag you backward and down, have you snatching at whispers of wind and the gibberish of trees ribbing together, trying to decipher some code, trying to piece together what was broken. It's hopeless. The past is nothing but a weight. It will build inside of you like a stone. 

Take it from me: If you hear the past speaking to you, feel it tugging at your back and running it's fingers up your spine, the best thing to do- the only thing- is to run.

Romeo Save Me

Today, when my dinner plans got canceled, I had to improvise so I wouldn't die of boredom. I ended up alone on my bed with cookies, chips, chocolate, and the movie Letters To Juliet. Needles to say, it was a low moment for me. I was very jealous of Amanda in that movie. I mean come on! She's engaged to an Italian man- with an Italian accent. And then a British man with a British accent falls in love with her. I mean, seriously? There's not a whole lot I wouldn't do to get in their pants- I mean her shoes. What? 

There was a moment in the movie. The ending- you know where there's been hearts broken and they FINALLY get the misunderstandings taken care of, and tell each other that they love the other one? Yeah. That part. And of course this movie being what it's about, it's twice as cheesy as your average chick flick. So, she's standing on the balcony and he's climbing up the vines to profess his love for her in his yummy British accent, and I'm thinking: why isn't life actually like this? Why has this not happened to me, or anyone I know for that matter? Do things like that even happen? 

See what I mean? ^^^

It was a very touching movie. There may have been crying involved (I don't know). I'm sure that doesn't mean much coming from me, though. I'm an emotional girly-girl. I love anything with a love story attached to it. I'm a hopeless romantic that way. Maybe I'll always be that way. Maybe no relationship will ever be good enough for me, because I want a fairy tale. But I think that's okay. I'd rather live alone my whole life watching romantic movies over and aver again, than settle for a love that doesn't fill all the gaps. 

So fells, if you want this, you're gonna have to work for it. I'm talking prince charming status. Uber cheesy- that's the way I like it. So if you wanted to be like that, you could. Just sayin... 

Time, Only Time

"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me."

Time is a silly, silly thing.

Have you ever noticed how time changes depending on what's coming up?

Sometimes time moves too slowly for me. I get excited. I can't wait. That's all I'm doing. Waiting. Waiting for someone to change me. Waiting for my life to start. Waiting to see what happens next. Waiting. And I can't wait anymore. I might explode from all this waiting. I'm tired of waiting. 

Sometimes time moves too fast for me. I get anxious. I want it to stop. What will happen? What if it changes me? What if my life passes by, and I've missed it? What happens next? I don't want to know. I don't want tomorrow to come. I might not make it. I'm too scared.

There must be a time for everything. A time for the good. A time for the bad. I guess neither one of them can last forever. Even if both of them last for a while. I have to let the good times go. Endure the bad times. And just pray to God that everything will be even itself out. 

Let Me Make This Crystal Clear

I heard you noticed everyday while I've been here beside myself, how your bedroom smells just like me and how you found somebody else. But there's a letter that I wrote you just on the back of your top self. In case you think the things I've told you, you will hear from someone else. 

It talks about the things I feel when it's just us inside the dark. About the things I like to think while you lay so close to my heart. And I cant seem to find the words I mean, so I try to hold my tongue. While layin' wide awake and restless. You should read it, it says:

Go to hell. If you're reading this and I'm not here, take your someone else and let me make this crystal clear. That I don't need your help and I'm OK by myself.

You can go to hell.

And they say you tell them everyday how you can feel the way I feel. How we're connected by the heart, and you're convinced it's something real. Well if that's true I hope you're smiling like I am from ear to ear. Just in case you think I'm lying, I've left a page to make it clear. And now I open up and scream to the whole world I finally left. So if you hear me out of breath, I'm singing: 

Go to hell. If you're reading this and I'm not here, take your someone else and let me make this crystal clear. That I don't need your help and I'm OK by myself. 

You can go to hell. 

I feel it's time I said that there are things that I regret. Like never checking out the odds against this bet. 'Cause I would bet my favorite things I ever owned, that you would leave and I'd be missing you like hell. But I won't.

Go to hell. If you're reading this and I'm not here, take your someone else and let me make this crystal clear. That I don't need your help and I'm OK by myself.

You can go to hell. 

Yeah, you can go to hell.

Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen

Only I'm not a teenager anymore, and I'm only a small drama queen. More like drama princess.

Here are the juiciest things about me... Sometimes I go to sleep without brushing my teeth (ew, i know!). I am really lazy. It has been 4 days since I've had a cookie- and trust me- that's an accomplishment. I hate liars, but I have lied. In my 20 years of life, I've kissed 5 boys. And "made out" with those same 5. I have never drank any form of alcohol. Never done any kind of drugs. I smoked a cigarette once in the 6th grade on a dare.  I would sneak out of the house when I was little (okay, it was twice). I stole a pair of earrings from Wal Mart. I read romance novels- the dirty ones. I sometimes think of getting a tattoo, but I'm too chicken so I stick to henna. I would love to be a Burlesque dancer. I say bad words when no one is around or if I'm really mad. I have my belly button pierced. Yes, it DID hurt like hell.

Celebrity confessions 

I've done things I'm not proud of. Sometimes I think things that are so awful, I'd never dare say them out loud. There's a boy that I will always have a weakness for. I THINK I've been in love once. There's a few people that, no matter what, I can't say no to. There are times when I want to be in the spotlight even when I act like I don't. I have even made things up to get attention. I've talked bad about people behind their backs. I've broken things and blamed other people. I've started fights because I was bored. I've judged people without even knowing it, and sometimes I did know it. Sometimes I do things just because I'm not supposed to, or to prove that I can. I try to do random things out of character just to shock people.

I'm really not THAT big of a drama queen. I mean if you can find one girl (or boy for that matter) that HASN'T been surrounded by drama- whether it be family, friend, or work related- you go right ahead and give that person a medal. Seriously.

Whoa, guys... I kinda feel naked. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest...

What This Girl Wants

Out Of Life: I hope to one day be a teacher (if I ever get the guts to go to college). I want to travel. Some - places I want to see- in the Americas- are New York, Key West, Hawaii, and Nicholas Sparks has me obsessed with North Carolina. My more elaborate plans include- but aren't limited to- Egypt, Ireland, and Greece.

Out Of a Man: I want a man who is going to accept me for who I am- flaws and all. I want someone to love me, and isn't afraid to SHOW me that he loves me. I want my honest-to-God Prince Charming. Someone who will treat me like a queen, because I am more than capable of treating him like a king. A fairy tale romance. A love people are jealous of. A love where we can be serious and silly all at the same time. A love where it's even okay to be emotional and sad sometimes. Someone who sees me. I want to be loved.

Words of wisdom from one of my idols.

Out Of Family: I love kids, and have always wanted a few. Preferably at least one boy, and one girl. I want to be one of those cool soccer moms. I hope I have the best in-laws. And I hope my sibling's families continue to grow so that my ids will have lots of cousins to play with. After I find Prince Charming of course.^^

In The End: I want the American Dream, complete with a cute little house and workable garden. I want a cat or a dog to run around the back yard. Perfection packed in a neat little package. I want to join the PTA and have neighborhood BBQs. I want to be content with myself and surrounded by people who I love. People who love me. In the end I want to be happy.

Introducing The One, The Only...

Alrighty! To launch off my new beginning as a professional blogger, I thought I'd start by letting everyone know all about me. Share some of my secrets. Don't get too excited, I like to keep some secrets to myself. But what kind of friend would I be if I didn't open up to you some? Oh, yeah. We're friends now. Didn't you know that?

My name is Nickelett Saige Hutchinson. I currently (more like still) live in American Fork. I'm 20 years old. My birthday is on March 17th. I graduated from American Fork High School in 2011. I've been involved in Color Guard for about 6 ish years (if you don't know what that is, look it up). I work at Fred Meyer Jewelers. And I drive a 2003 white Chevy Cavalier.

My favorite color is green. I love all music- minus Country. I can handle some of it, but I'm picky. My favorite bands are Mayday Parade and Go Radio. My favorite books are The Bronze Horseman series by Paullina Simons. Books are the best way to spend my free time. I would never be able to pick a favorite movie- it depends on my mood. The best TV show ever is Psych. My celebrity crushes are too numerous to name (I mean, for real. Have you see ALL famous guys??). I prefer to do things that keep my mind busy. I love sunflowers, dancing, cooking, organizing(?), and spending as much time as possible with my nieces and nephews.

I live with my father, Tom. My parents divorced when I was young. My mom's name is Ginger. I have four sisters. Britani, Mandi, Jessica, and Sienna- the little one; and three brothers. Jordan, Travis-who is a half brother- and Korbin- who is a half brother AND younger, one brother-in-law, Brian. Confused yet? Two nieces: Seja and Laila. Three nephews: Noah, Nakai, Kaiden. Another another child on the way. My best friend is Jordyn Rowland. Though I don't see much of her- it's always worth it when I do. And then there's Gilbert and Kronk, my fish.

My lovely family (minus a few)

Well, I think that covered the basics. You'll have to come back later if you want to know more, because believe me, that's just the tip of the iceberg.
In future posts I'll discuss my aspirations, some opinions on trivial topics, things that go though my messed up head, and maybe even a few confessions... Come on. You know you're dying to know what I may have to confess.

I'll see all of you beautiful people later.