I'll Be Okay; Just Not Today

Quite possibly the most beautiful song ever... 

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience... I will dispense this advice now: Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. Trust me, in 20 years you'll back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you cant grasp now how much possibility laid before you, and how fabulous you really looked... you are NOT as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind... the race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember complements you receive, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this... tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life; most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance The Funky Chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either... your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. Enjoy your body; use it every way you can, don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance... Even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past, and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philanderer, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians where noble, and children respected their elders. Respect YOUR elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you'll have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse, but you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. Be careful who's advise you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advise is a form of nostalgia, disposing is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, whipping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth. But, trust me, on the Sunscreen...

I'm the King of Wishful Thinking

I wish I could just snap my fingers and feel differently. Forget things. Understand everything. Feel nothing. That'd be best. Not to feel. Not to care. Not to be stuck as a hopeless romantic.

Ha. No. Who am I kidding?

In the end I know I just want some guy to be really cheesy. A guy who loves me enough to talk to me. To kiss my face. To understand me enough to know that my actions and attitude are usually the opposite of what I'm feeling. And who's sensitive enough to care. Legitimately, genuinely care. About me- the real me. Someone that I don't have to pretend for...

Haha again, who am I kidding? This is real life. Not a fairy tale.

I guess if I keep a grip on reality, it's okay to dream... And wish... And hope for the best.

Like Horses in the City...

I used to think that insecurity was the worst feeling ever. I was wrong. Would you like to know the REAL worst feeling ever?? It's when you feel unwanted. Invisible. Like you don't matter. Like you don't belong. I don't know what it is, I just feel out of place. Even when I just had a (comparably) good day with everyone that SHOULD matter. Meaning my family. But, I'm never going to fit in, huh? I'm never going to be good enough or rebellious enough. I'm always going to be the odd one out. The one with all the issues. The one that constantly gets passed up. I don't even understand why. Why is it so hard to be happy? You wouldn't think you need a whole lot. You wouldn't think that it'd be too hard. But it is...

I want to. How great would it be to just start over? Go where no one knows your name or your story. Some place where you can be whoever you want. But I somehow know that that won't solve any problems... It's just running away temporally. I think I just need to know that I matter. That I'm someone to somebody. That I'm not just a waste of air. I'll eventually find my place. I think I just need to stop being a dramatic girl for one! Then I need to learn to be a little more patient. It'll come... It will... It will. 

Koney 2012

Say what you want about this being stupid, or pointless, or whatever it is you haters say... It's still an amazing cause. And I don't see the harm in spreading the word. I'm not saying that we (America) need to start a war. But I also don't see what's wrong with helping if we can. We, as a country, are so much more fortunate that most other people. It doesn't hurt to make everyone understand that we don't live in a perfet world. That's okay though, because we can try to fix that. No, the world's never going to be perfect. But that doesn't mean we should stop trying to make it that way.

Dear Girls,

After the rehearsal I had this morning with the girls I help teach, I had some thoughts that I wanted to put out there:

1. You girls are not only amazing at what you do (guard), but each and every one of you are incredible people. The best people that I know. I can honestly say that you ladies keep me sane, and are my reason to get up every morning. If I didn't have you , I don't know what I'd do!

2. Remember... Pick up the phone and call me! Day OR night!

3. Thank you for letting me be a part of the family. Thank you for giving me a place to belong. I'll love you all forever because we ARE a family :)

Hello All Ye Faithful Readers

Hi :) There's really no point to this post. So if you don't continue to read, I'll understand! I was just bored and though I'd blog... Why not?! :) Here are some things that are going on:

* Color guard is, as always, amazing. We are mid competition season, and I'm already sad that it's ending soon :( As stressed out as guard can make me, I wouldn't give up for anything. Both the group that I spin on and the group I help teach are doing amazing! :) I just spent an hour watching our shows. Progress. Progress.

* There's a boy, I don't know, I think I kinda like him... Kinda. I think. Maybe?

* I don't really like my job. I guess I just need to suck it up though. A lot of people keep telling me that I'm going to hate every job I have. But I don't know about that one. There are people out there who love their job. So, why can't I be one of those people??

* Wanna know the hardest decision ever?! When you FINALLY get down-time and you can't decide if you want to use it to relax, or to actually do something productive... It's hard... Except, I just did it! :)

* I'm going to write a letter!! :) I miss him...

* I still feel like I'm not going anywhere in my life. Fail! I think I'm just not good at being patient. I guess I should learn.

Okay, den. I'm gonna end this fabulous post with this thought: