I've realized that everyone I thought knew me, or that should know me... They don't know me at all. And I'm so over giving people chance after chance after chance just to keep getting hurt- getting let down. I used to be a good judge of character. I thought I could tell if someone was good for me. But apparently I'm getting more and more dumb. I'm not naive, I'm just stupid. I notice things, but I'll ignore the signs. I pretend that I didn't screw up by giving them another chance. Give them the benefit of the doubt. And, yeah, it's all my fault. I get that. It just makes it hard to give any second chances at all.
Do I still like him? I think so. But I don't know if anything can come out of that. Because every time I think about it I just get a headache and I feel sick to my stomach.
And this is only the tip of the ice burg. Trust me. I can be, but I'm not normally such a girl. The last two-ish weeks have just been building on me and building on me. I just have no idea how to calm down. Even my huge emotional breakdown only felt like the first wave. Sure, I'll get over it. But this one's going to take time. And I'm positive that me and my relationship with everyone involved will never be the same.
The thing that hurts the most is I really think I'm the only one upset about it. Everyone else couldn't careless. So, out the window goes a million opportunities. Out the window goes the last four years.
For the first time in my life, I'm looking back, and actually regretting things.
Now, I just need to find the people who I know will make me laugh so hard I forget the bad. Someone I can trust enough to call a friend. Because life's too short to make THAT dumb mistake again.
