Oh Well, Oh Well

I'm tired of being unhappy. I'm tired of being alone. I'm doing everything I can think of to get out of this seemingly never ending slump. But every time I turn a corner, I'm messing up or getting scared (and no, it's not because of Halloween). I think of something and it works, great! I'm so happy... But it slowly fades. Or pops like a balloon. And I can't help but feel like someone's doing it on purpose...

But I'm still hoping for the best. And I'm no longer searching for happiness. I'm going to sit tight and wait for it to find me. No more messing up. No more putting myself in stupid situations. No more letting people pop my balloons. I'm flying up- up and away.  Enough with negativity. I'm looking forward. Back to being an optimist. Again: Oh well, oh well. I'm still hoping for the best...

Things Are Looking Up...

... Oh, Finally! :)

New Philosophy:

Life sucks...

That's right. Everyone is thinking it so I decided to say it (not that I haven't said it plenty of times before..) But in all seriousness... It really does suck. Example: Spending a good portion of your day crying. How hard it is to keep smiling when you're upset. A big problem and little else seems to matter. A bad feeling when you rushed to something because you knew it was your escape, just to find that it brings on more emotional turmoil... Life sucks then you die. Right??

WRONG!

  There's always the good parts of the downs. Example: Never being too old to hug your daddy and just let yourself cry. Because no matter how old you   get... He'll still let you... No matter how upset you are you'll  eventually get over it. Because when it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. And no matter the problem it eventually won't matter anymore. Because it'll work out for the best. And then there's always the joy of finding a new escape. One that's better for you. Sure, life sucks...

...Then it gets better.

Decisions, Decisions

Pretty much I need to make some changes. I need to make a lot of decisions in the next couple weeks. And to be honest... I don't even know where to start. I need to figure out my employment issues, my colorguard issues (including trying out for 2 different groups), and my school issues.

I need to find a new job.
I'm not going to try out for BD anymore.
I'm not going to be spinning.
I'm not going to school until next fall.
Except...
I don't want to find a new job.
I want to try out for BD.
I really want to spin.
And I'd rather go to school in the spring.

I don't know what choice will be best for me or for my future. That makes it kinda hard to make a decision. So I guess I'll just have to wait and see how things turn out. Maybe this will just work itself out. Maybe my stress and worry is just pointless. As I'm fond of saying: Only time will tell.

UNDERFACE

Underneath my outside face

There's a face that none can see.

A little less smily,

A little less sure,

But a whole lot more like me.

                                                                      

                                                                       -Shel Silverstein