December

The month of December is supposed to be all magical and inspiration. It's supposed to be when dreams come true and wishes become reality. I'm not asking for that. I'm not asking for perfection. I only ask that everything be okay. I think things are heading in that direction, and I'm beyond grateful for that. But I'm not going to object if things get even better... I have a lot of plans for this coming month. Right now I'm just praying that they all work. I know I just can't pray and hope for things to happen- I have to meet God half way. Don't worry, that's part of my plans. But I honestly don't think I can do this on my own. I'm going to need a little of that praying, wishing and hoping to be on my side. So instead of writing letters to Santa, I'm calling a higher power, and writing a letter to December. And it goes a little like this: 

Yes. I'm obsessed. As much as I'd like them to NOT remake some songs, this show is still amazing. It, strangely, can teach so many important life lessons. Sure, real life is- in no way- like this, but that doesn't mean you can't relate to it. I'm not sure how, but almost every episode seems to touch me in some way. Yes, I've even gotten emotional. It doesn't always teach us the right thing to do. Sometimes it just shows how doing the wrong thing can affect others. Needless to say I'm learning a lot about life. And I'm loving every second of it. Glee... Thank you :)

Liberation

Sure, I still don't have my own apartment. I'm not without problems. I'm still not doing or working on things that I one day hope to accomplish. I'm still making mistakes that I may regret later. I'm planning things that I don't want to regret. And I sometimes don't think I'm particularly happy. But even through all that, I've never felt so liberated. Honestly, the last week I've felt so free, though not much has changed. Sure I had some little moments: I got my ears pierced. I actually went on a date. But I was feeling this way before all that. I'm trying to refrain from asking myself why. For whatever reason I'm enjoying life- and I don't want to question it. Yeah, it's hard for me not to. It's hard to trust in what I don't know. Hard not to run away. I'm just going to take what I can get, though. I'm going to encourage these feeling for as long as they want to stay with me. I'm not trying to please anyone but myself. This is me, being me :)

Oh. And I may or may not have been wrong about my last post... Oops.

La La-La-La-La La-La-La- Love Life. What's That?

"Heartaches and mistakes. How many hits can a good girl take? I'm tired of hurting, slowly learning."

So, we've all heard of summer flings. Summer lovin'. Love in the summer time. They kind of seem to go hand-in-hand, right? Well, Nicki being Nicki decided to do things opposite like. As in, I only seem to date people in the winter... It's just the way it worked out, I guess. Weird, yes? I sure think so.

But I'd like to predict the future: No winter lovin' for Nicki this year. Too bad. Haha But I think I'm finally starting to get over my loneliness. I shouldn't need other people to make me happy. I'm going to make myself happy.

 New goal: find new ways to be happy. Ways that don't include other's participation. And hopefully with the winter season coming up I wont have time to feel lonely. I'll be so busy doing so much that I love, nothing else will matter. I'll be having the time of my living-life, and not worrying about anyone else. Especially boys. Because they only seem to make me more unhappy...

I don't need a love life. La La-La-La-La La-La-La- Love Life. What's that?? :D

Sarcasm:

WOW! I love it so much when I get passed up like I'm nothing. Ooh! Being a third wheel?? My favorite! I'll probably die if I go an entire day without making a fool of myself or getting embarrassed. Feeling homeless- that another must have! Watching everyone's live progress while I stay in one place is freaking awesome. I love it when I'm all left out and what-not! Getting teased so bad by a near-stranger it leads to tears? Yes, please! Geez, what would I do without all the rude people in this world? Being so outside the "in" circle I feel pretty close to invisible is what I live for. Wanting nothing but that one thing you know you can't have, feels just so... Fantastic.

To everyone who contributed to the anger in this post: Thank you so much!! I just love all that you do for me!!