Like Horses in the City...

I used to think that insecurity was the worst feeling ever. I was wrong. Would you like to know the REAL worst feeling ever?? It's when you feel unwanted. Invisible. Like you don't matter. Like you don't belong. I don't know what it is, I just feel out of place. Even when I just had a (comparably) good day with everyone that SHOULD matter. Meaning my family. But, I'm never going to fit in, huh? I'm never going to be good enough or rebellious enough. I'm always going to be the odd one out. The one with all the issues. The one that constantly gets passed up. I don't even understand why. Why is it so hard to be happy? You wouldn't think you need a whole lot. You wouldn't think that it'd be too hard. But it is...

I want to. How great would it be to just start over? Go where no one knows your name or your story. Some place where you can be whoever you want. But I somehow know that that won't solve any problems... It's just running away temporally. I think I just need to know that I matter. That I'm someone to somebody. That I'm not just a waste of air. I'll eventually find my place. I think I just need to stop being a dramatic girl for one! Then I need to learn to be a little more patient. It'll come... It will... It will. 

Koney 2012

Say what you want about this being stupid, or pointless, or whatever it is you haters say... It's still an amazing cause. And I don't see the harm in spreading the word. I'm not saying that we (America) need to start a war. But I also don't see what's wrong with helping if we can. We, as a country, are so much more fortunate that most other people. It doesn't hurt to make everyone understand that we don't live in a perfet world. That's okay though, because we can try to fix that. No, the world's never going to be perfect. But that doesn't mean we should stop trying to make it that way.

Dear Girls,

After the rehearsal I had this morning with the girls I help teach, I had some thoughts that I wanted to put out there:

1. You girls are not only amazing at what you do (guard), but each and every one of you are incredible people. The best people that I know. I can honestly say that you ladies keep me sane, and are my reason to get up every morning. If I didn't have you , I don't know what I'd do!

2. Remember... Pick up the phone and call me! Day OR night!

3. Thank you for letting me be a part of the family. Thank you for giving me a place to belong. I'll love you all forever because we ARE a family :)

Hello All Ye Faithful Readers

Hi :) There's really no point to this post. So if you don't continue to read, I'll understand! I was just bored and though I'd blog... Why not?! :) Here are some things that are going on:

* Color guard is, as always, amazing. We are mid competition season, and I'm already sad that it's ending soon :( As stressed out as guard can make me, I wouldn't give up for anything. Both the group that I spin on and the group I help teach are doing amazing! :) I just spent an hour watching our shows. Progress. Progress.

* There's a boy, I don't know, I think I kinda like him... Kinda. I think. Maybe?

* I don't really like my job. I guess I just need to suck it up though. A lot of people keep telling me that I'm going to hate every job I have. But I don't know about that one. There are people out there who love their job. So, why can't I be one of those people??

* Wanna know the hardest decision ever?! When you FINALLY get down-time and you can't decide if you want to use it to relax, or to actually do something productive... It's hard... Except, I just did it! :)

* I'm going to write a letter!! :) I miss him...

* I still feel like I'm not going anywhere in my life. Fail! I think I'm just not good at being patient. I guess I should learn.

Okay, den. I'm gonna end this fabulous post with this thought: