When You See My Friends Tell 'em Hi For Me

When I started going to Jr. High, I made a transition that most kids make. I found a whole bunch of new friends. Kind of lost touch with all my old friends. Then the same thing happened when I went into High school. And I always kinda thought that I'd do the same thing when I graduated and started going to college. But I got so close with them, that I didn't want to. But I guess sometimes it feels like a necessity.

Whenever I made this transition of friend groups it was because I thought I was doing the right thing. For me. Again, not because I don't love them. But people grow and interests change. Some friends started going down a road that I'm not only scared of, but don't want to go down. It may make me an awful person, but I'd rather have no friends than have a ton of friends that don't respect my standards. Not that my friends are disrespectful. I know this is probably really confusing. I'm not mad at ANY of my friends. Or trying to be rude or anything. Nor am I saying that I don't want to be friends with them anymore.

I'm just a little hurt. I chose the friends I did because I thought we had a lot in common. I thought we'd help each other stick up for what we believe in. Help each other reach goals in our lives. Help each other though rough times. Forever. Like we promised. But now it kind of seems like I'm the only one that cares about my future. I'm trying to get ready for college. I'm scared to death. It's hard to get motivation, and support, when all your friends don't care about things like school. And I don't feel like I can go to my friends, because we're not in this together like we always were.

I've slowly started learning that I'm not necessarily the best judge of character. These last few months I've started making that transition again. I thought I was being careful. I put thought into it. I was finding people who had my same standards. Goals. People I could relate to. But I found somethings out about my "new" friends, that I almost wish I never knew. I guess everyone goes though different things, and has a different way of dealing with it. But I've seen enough from my family. I've experienced enough through them. I'm done with that stuff, and I'll never go through that stage. My friends are supposed to be my refuge. Not the people that cause the same drama. This is just not what I had imagined would be happening at this point in my life. I never thought I'd feel this bad over something that's not even that big of a deal.

Okay. I apologize for my pity party just barley. I love my friends. I really do. It just sucks knowing that I can't do anything to keep things the same. The way they used to be. And this is just a warning to my friends: I may drop off the radar. I'll always be here if you need me. Doesn't matter the time. Always. Whenever. But I'm not going to be making an effort to stay close. I've gone my 50. You have to come yours. Love you all.